We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
