K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
