apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he fucked my hip out of place.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Terrible idea I love it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
