The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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