I'm really into asian looking animals
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
