So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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