3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
