he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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