I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
