she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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