Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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