I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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