I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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