I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
