I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
