6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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