She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
