Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
