i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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