i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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