She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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