i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
