im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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