How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
