I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
