READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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