So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
