I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
