trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Say something about gay babies.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
