girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
