Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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