I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
