i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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