the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
