Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You pole danced in your parka.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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