when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
