Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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