everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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