Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
