I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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