then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
