My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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