Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
