I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
