we need to drink 2009 down the drain
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
