either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
