we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
