He disabled his match.com account in front of me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
