I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
