beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
