Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
