nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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